I was walking out the door of my Grand parent's house when I suddenly stopped and turned my head toward Grandma. She sat at her kitchen table and I couldn't stop this overwhelming feeling to walk back to her. "Grandma" I said as I bent down to hug her. "I love you."
She was so pale. My Grandma was so special. I sensed something was wrong and she said "I love you too Dave." She smiled as I kissed her on the cheek. "Are you all right?" I asked. She assured me that she was fine. I hugged her again and walked back to the doorway. I stood there looking back at her for a moment as I thought about what a great Grandma she had been all my life. Somehow I knew, yet didn't want to know. That was the last time I would ever see my Grandma alive.
Again, I expressed my love for her before saying good-bye and heading out the door. Grandpa was sitting in the shade around back and I was leaving for the evening. I had spent most of that day helping him with the gardening chores. I did a lot of that during my summers off of school and a most days after school during growing season. Sometimes those days were long and very, very hot, and somedays not.
` This was the end of one of those days that had seemed so very long, yet in reality was just another day that I was Grandpa's little helper. My cousins always teased me about it. They lived right next door to Grandma and Grandpa, but for some reason I was the one who got dropped off that quarter mile or I walked that quarter mile to help Grandpa work in the garden while they sat in the air conditioning or went out and played all evening. Those days I didn't necessarily hate going down to work with my Grandpa, but there were days that I would have preferred fishing at the lake that I had to pass every time I went to go help him.
I remember as I shut the door behind me how cold Grandma's skin felt when I kissed her on the cheek. The weakness in her voice and the far away look she had in her eyes. I think she knew. I think I knew also. I just didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to know.
I got home shortly after that and petted Dino (my dog) as I walked across the yard onto the porch. I opened the screen door and went inside.
I found mom in the living room as she was hanging up the phone. She asked me if I had helped Grandpa with everything we had to do. She knew that sometimes Grandpa's patience would get a little thin with me and he would send me home for the day because sometimes I just didn't get what he was talking about. We had had a good day that day and I told her that everything had went fine that day.
She asked how me, "how did mom look today?" I told her that I didn't think she was doing all that well and Mom shook her head and said, "that woman is just gonna sit down there and let herself die." Grandma had already been in the hospital several times over the past few months. I always believed it was just because she couldn't hold her food down. In those days, it wasn't the kids' place to pry into reasons why the grown-ups did what they did. Kids were meant to be seen and not heard.
I nodded in agreement when Mom said that. Somehow I knew she was right as I expressed my agreement with her. I think Mom thought I was agreeing with her just because I always had the tendency to agree with the adults about whatever it was they talked about. I hated confrontations. I grew up with confrontations going on all around me and I was at the point of life then that I not only wanted to get along with everyone in my family, but I was already in my last year of high school, struggling with becoming an adult, and with becoming accepted. I always felt like an outcast, even around my own family.
That night, while laying down I tossed and turned for hours before I finally went to sleep. Sometime during the night I heard the Pinto (yeah, we had Ford Pinto's in our family) speeding away from our house as the tires tried to maintain their traction on the gravel. I thought my Dad was going on an ambulance run in the middle of the night. We were both members of the volunteer fire department and ambulance service. Sometimes in the middle of the night when the fire alarm would go out, my Dad and I would both respond.
I was going back to sleep, he was already gone and when I missed the ride to a call, the only thing I could do was accept the fact that I missed out and go back to bed.
I was almost asleep when I seen a glow form in the corner of my room. My heart pounded as I watched and then my Grandma appeared. I was no longer apprehensive as she said "Everything is going to be fine Dave." I knew somehow that Grandma was going to be fine as her image started to fade. "I love you too Dave" she said, as she disappeared. I felt relieved and rolled over and went back to sleep.
Mom woke us the next morning for school. My sister and I got ready for school, and ate breakfast. Mom always fixed a healthy breakfast for us before school. Always bacon and eggs, or pancakes, waffles, biscuits and sausage and eggs. Ahhhh, the good ole breakfast days. Breakfast was always my favorite meal.
My sister and I sat on the bus in our usual seats as the bus stopped in front of our cousins' house. Our cousins got on the bus and sat down. As the bus went into motion, our cousin Tim told me that Grandma had died during the night. "You know Grandma's dead dont ya?" he asked me. Instantly I went into denial. "Uh uh!" I replied, "I just seen her last night." There was no way this was true. "Mom and Dad never told us!"
I remember Tim teasing us because Mom and Dad never told us that Grandma had died. Because of that reason alone I just knew that Tim was lying. Sometimes he did stuff like that just because he was one of the cool kids of the bus. You know, one of the kids that always sat in the back seat and pretty much controlled the goings on of the bus atmosphere.
The bus pulled up to school and we unloaded. I stood outside the doors with my sister while we waited for Tim to disembark. He stepped off of the bus and we stopped him and asked him if he was joking or for real. "I'm for real Dave, Grandma died last night."
My sister and I were crushed. Why didn't we get told? We asked Mom later on about that and she explained that she didn't want us going to school upset if they had told us before school. We found out anyway and not only were we upset about Grandma dying during the night, but we were now feeling betrayed as well. We were emotionally devastated. Why?
She was so pale. My Grandma was so special. I sensed something was wrong and she said "I love you too Dave." She smiled as I kissed her on the cheek. "Are you all right?" I asked. She assured me that she was fine. I hugged her again and walked back to the doorway. I stood there looking back at her for a moment as I thought about what a great Grandma she had been all my life. Somehow I knew, yet didn't want to know. That was the last time I would ever see my Grandma alive.
Again, I expressed my love for her before saying good-bye and heading out the door. Grandpa was sitting in the shade around back and I was leaving for the evening. I had spent most of that day helping him with the gardening chores. I did a lot of that during my summers off of school and a most days after school during growing season. Sometimes those days were long and very, very hot, and somedays not.
` This was the end of one of those days that had seemed so very long, yet in reality was just another day that I was Grandpa's little helper. My cousins always teased me about it. They lived right next door to Grandma and Grandpa, but for some reason I was the one who got dropped off that quarter mile or I walked that quarter mile to help Grandpa work in the garden while they sat in the air conditioning or went out and played all evening. Those days I didn't necessarily hate going down to work with my Grandpa, but there were days that I would have preferred fishing at the lake that I had to pass every time I went to go help him.
I remember as I shut the door behind me how cold Grandma's skin felt when I kissed her on the cheek. The weakness in her voice and the far away look she had in her eyes. I think she knew. I think I knew also. I just didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to know.
I got home shortly after that and petted Dino (my dog) as I walked across the yard onto the porch. I opened the screen door and went inside.
I found mom in the living room as she was hanging up the phone. She asked me if I had helped Grandpa with everything we had to do. She knew that sometimes Grandpa's patience would get a little thin with me and he would send me home for the day because sometimes I just didn't get what he was talking about. We had had a good day that day and I told her that everything had went fine that day.
She asked how me, "how did mom look today?" I told her that I didn't think she was doing all that well and Mom shook her head and said, "that woman is just gonna sit down there and let herself die." Grandma had already been in the hospital several times over the past few months. I always believed it was just because she couldn't hold her food down. In those days, it wasn't the kids' place to pry into reasons why the grown-ups did what they did. Kids were meant to be seen and not heard.
I nodded in agreement when Mom said that. Somehow I knew she was right as I expressed my agreement with her. I think Mom thought I was agreeing with her just because I always had the tendency to agree with the adults about whatever it was they talked about. I hated confrontations. I grew up with confrontations going on all around me and I was at the point of life then that I not only wanted to get along with everyone in my family, but I was already in my last year of high school, struggling with becoming an adult, and with becoming accepted. I always felt like an outcast, even around my own family.
That night, while laying down I tossed and turned for hours before I finally went to sleep. Sometime during the night I heard the Pinto (yeah, we had Ford Pinto's in our family) speeding away from our house as the tires tried to maintain their traction on the gravel. I thought my Dad was going on an ambulance run in the middle of the night. We were both members of the volunteer fire department and ambulance service. Sometimes in the middle of the night when the fire alarm would go out, my Dad and I would both respond.
I was going back to sleep, he was already gone and when I missed the ride to a call, the only thing I could do was accept the fact that I missed out and go back to bed.
I was almost asleep when I seen a glow form in the corner of my room. My heart pounded as I watched and then my Grandma appeared. I was no longer apprehensive as she said "Everything is going to be fine Dave." I knew somehow that Grandma was going to be fine as her image started to fade. "I love you too Dave" she said, as she disappeared. I felt relieved and rolled over and went back to sleep.
Mom woke us the next morning for school. My sister and I got ready for school, and ate breakfast. Mom always fixed a healthy breakfast for us before school. Always bacon and eggs, or pancakes, waffles, biscuits and sausage and eggs. Ahhhh, the good ole breakfast days. Breakfast was always my favorite meal.
My sister and I sat on the bus in our usual seats as the bus stopped in front of our cousins' house. Our cousins got on the bus and sat down. As the bus went into motion, our cousin Tim told me that Grandma had died during the night. "You know Grandma's dead dont ya?" he asked me. Instantly I went into denial. "Uh uh!" I replied, "I just seen her last night." There was no way this was true. "Mom and Dad never told us!"
I remember Tim teasing us because Mom and Dad never told us that Grandma had died. Because of that reason alone I just knew that Tim was lying. Sometimes he did stuff like that just because he was one of the cool kids of the bus. You know, one of the kids that always sat in the back seat and pretty much controlled the goings on of the bus atmosphere.
The bus pulled up to school and we unloaded. I stood outside the doors with my sister while we waited for Tim to disembark. He stepped off of the bus and we stopped him and asked him if he was joking or for real. "I'm for real Dave, Grandma died last night."
My sister and I were crushed. Why didn't we get told? We asked Mom later on about that and she explained that she didn't want us going to school upset if they had told us before school. We found out anyway and not only were we upset about Grandma dying during the night, but we were now feeling betrayed as well. We were emotionally devastated. Why?
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